Over the past 15 years or so, I have, for the most part, spent my time working in positions that allowed me to be a role model, mentor and counselor. Out of the many different “jobs” I have held, I found my niche in life by becoming a small influence in the lives of many young people. I learned that each one owned unique gifts. I also learned that with difficulty that you can not save everyone. Some youth have a destiny of self destruction and no matter what words one uses, they are not enough. This was the hardest lesson to learn and the one lesson I can never accept totally.
I have no idea where this blog will lead to. It will hopefully be a guide to some, a lesson plan for myself and a resource for those searching. It will also be a place I can vent my frustrations with those battles I lost and to amplify the successes.
My definition of personal success during my connection with youth is simple and I can not expect more. ”If one day in the future, one of my kids remembers something I have told them to make a positive choice in their life, then I have succeeded.” No more, no less.
It is hard to understand addiction unless you have experienced it.
Ken Hensley
Such is life. Those that know, understand the deep recesses of addiction where life is a shadow world and those who have never experienced these deep recesses only speculate what it could be. For myself, I know.
This past week I spent many hours talking with youth. I earn a paycheck by being a CD Counselor. Chemical Dependency. Alcohol, drugs, chemicals, abuse and addictions. Those hours I spent talking with these young users is not a new road. I have worked with youth for 15 years, give or take a few weeks and it is the one type of work of many I have experienced that gives me purpose. It validates that my existence is not in vain.
Sometimes, it is hard work. Listening to words such as abuse. Emotional, physical and sexual types. Something a child never needs to know. And violence, abandonment and loneliness. Sometimes I carry those words home with me and wake in the middle of the night, searching for the right words or actions that I can use to make their world a little bit softer, to dull the sharp edges that at their age, they should never feel. But it does happen. Too many times for too many children.
Many of the youth I have met recently, and also those in the past, follow a similar pattern. Home life is not positive and the drugs and alcohol and the cutting helps them deal with the pain. For many, they have dreams of destinations, of a successful and confident future, but they also carry with them the self-doubt or the resignation that they will never achieve these goals, so why bother. Feed the pain and it goes away…. for a little while.
Where am I going with this? I actually do not know. Maybe a place I can write my thoughts, share resources, stories, successes and a place to lament those battles I lost. Time will tell and having no road map, this Drug Road will follow it’s own direction like that of water flowing over dirt.
If you want to share personal stories of your battles on either side of this war, you will be most welcome. Your thoughts, resources, insight, fear, pain or wisdom just might make a difference to someone’s life…
